Now that I am officially in my mid 30’s with less than 5 years till I am 40, I feel as though my style needs to adjust to my growing wisdom, waist line and neighbourhood status. This transition isn’t a seamless one. No it is actually very bumpy . Let’s begin at the top .Aware of phrases like FFFA (fit from far away) and 1660 (16 from the back and 60 from the front) I decided to cut off my long hair.I wanted to have the same hair as Leigh Lezark, a fashion muse I had become obsessed with. Maybe if I looked at her for long enough, some of her gnat like beauty would rub off on me. Most of the time I look like Helen Bonham Carter when she appeared as a monkey in "Planet of the apes." Right now, I have a great cut but I feel it makes me look too serious and what’s all this about , having to style it. I have had such problems drying my coiffure with a specially designed metal- cylinder -pronged brush that I actually burnt the back of my neck, OUCH!
What to wear with my new coiffure? I want to look cool, edgy, smart and groomed. When out shopping I am strangely drawn to Top Shop and all the 80’s revisited stuff. Try it on and I look like a “tart with a heart” from Coronation Street. So it is back to the drawing board and the only thing I can get away with are Breton stripes and converse, de riguer for every self respecting South London Stepford Wife . More recently I have slightly deviated from the stripe and bought a quilted Barbour jacket. Maybe I should forget Lezark and turn to Parker-Bowels for inspiration.
Friday 30 April 2010
Caught out
How many times have you been caught out? I am caught out at least once a week. Whether it be saying I hate a particular name and insisting it is the name of a scum bag oik, only to find out it’s the name of my new acquaintance’s daughter or son .
Or what about when I am having an off day and feel like the devil in human form and the kids are mummy'n me to death. I slip round a corner , for a sneaky expletive , thinking I am out of ear shot...I mutter a beautifully gratifying “shut up “ or maybe even a “f**k off.” Only to hear my eldest son say “I heard that ." Funny how he hears that but doesn't hear my requests to "put your uniform on, don't squirt that water pistol, please don't garrote your little brother."
It is on this basis that I totally empathize with Mr Brown. He is running for Prime Minister . He is not claiming to be a saint. He is human.I understand his off the cuff remark. Poor bloke was caught out by the idiot , genius , devilish prankster who left the microphone on. Where is that dude anyway, has he been sacked or promoted!
Or what about when I am having an off day and feel like the devil in human form and the kids are mummy'n me to death. I slip round a corner , for a sneaky expletive , thinking I am out of ear shot...I mutter a beautifully gratifying “shut up “ or maybe even a “f**k off.” Only to hear my eldest son say “I heard that ." Funny how he hears that but doesn't hear my requests to "put your uniform on, don't squirt that water pistol, please don't garrote your little brother."
It is on this basis that I totally empathize with Mr Brown. He is running for Prime Minister . He is not claiming to be a saint. He is human.I understand his off the cuff remark. Poor bloke was caught out by the idiot , genius , devilish prankster who left the microphone on. Where is that dude anyway, has he been sacked or promoted!
Wednesday 28 April 2010
Idiot
Bloody "cleaner's " what the hell. Sodding typical , I start a blog, excitedly post my first thingy- bobby and I make a grammatical error. Now I look like an idiot. Damn , Damn it to hell. I blame the kids . I never get enough sleep and they are always mummying me.
No it's not their fault ,they are good kids. It is my own illiterate self that is the problem.
Off to self flagellate. Hope to recovery my dignity someday and post another thingy bobby.
Cleaner's Rock
The highlight of my week was my first visit from Lena the cleaner.
After which I felt as if I had died and gone to heaven.The house was the cleanest and tidiest that it had ever been. As I put stuff away , so that the cleaner had a blank yet dirty canvas, I realized I didn’t remember the last time I thoroughly went through all the juvenile detritus that clogs up the arteries of this house.The help allowed me to get on with important stuff like accounts , changing energy supplier and booking an app to have my handle bar (Freddy Mercury) moustache removed. Still cultivating the leg and underarm hair. Will have to wait for Lena's next visit in 2 weeks, to book more beauty appointments . By then I shall have some shockingly hairy legs.
After which I felt as if I had died and gone to heaven.The house was the cleanest and tidiest that it had ever been. As I put stuff away , so that the cleaner had a blank yet dirty canvas, I realized I didn’t remember the last time I thoroughly went through all the juvenile detritus that clogs up the arteries of this house.The help allowed me to get on with important stuff like accounts , changing energy supplier and booking an app to have my handle bar (Freddy Mercury) moustache removed. Still cultivating the leg and underarm hair. Will have to wait for Lena's next visit in 2 weeks, to book more beauty appointments . By then I shall have some shockingly hairy legs.
Back to the cleaner experience....I loved hearing the familiar sound of my hoover , yet I was not manning it... the idea is enough to send me into a nirvana state of mind ... I am sure I levitated for a few seconds.It is official , having a cleaner is a legal high and I want mine to come back!
It made me realise how much time I waste to do a half job of the cleaning.When Lena left I had a cheesy grin on my face. didn’t feel exhausted and my hands weren’t sore and dry from harsh cleaning products . I felt energized. My eldest son Teia, came home and was like “OMG what has happened to my room , I hate it, where is my stuff...etc etc”
It made me realise how much time I waste to do a half job of the cleaning.When Lena left I had a cheesy grin on my face. didn’t feel exhausted and my hands weren’t sore and dry from harsh cleaning products . I felt energized. My eldest son Teia, came home and was like “OMG what has happened to my room , I hate it, where is my stuff...etc etc”
Ah well you can’t make everyone happy.
P. S Is this how Gav (the man in my life) has been feeling ,every night when I have scrubbed the house. Damn him, Damn him to hell for keeping it a secret. Highs like this need to shared.
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