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Last March I was a having a mid 30’s crisis. Although I didn’t feel mature and half a decade from 40 , the facts were clear I was 35. Knowing this I felt I wanted to look the part, mature, grown up, sophisticated and chic. My long hair which had almost always been that way , apart from a glitch at 10, just had to go . The Glitch to which I refer,occurred when I was 10 and went for a Lady Di hair cut. Imagine that look on a little Eurasian kid. It was totally incongruous. Tis no wonder I never deviated from the classic long black hair with a few layers cut (if you can call it a hair cut, as it is was as close to a no hair cut as possible) .So for 15 years I stuck to long hair until last year. I was convinced a bob like Leigh Lezark would make me look a million dollars. I looked at pictures of her every night for a month and finally plucked up the courage to chop my long hair off. At the hairdressers I explained, “I want LL hair but about 2 inches longer.”The stylist looked at me like I was on day release from the Maudsley. It made sense to me , at the time but now I realize , you either want the hair cut like the picture or you don’t. I walked out of the HD with one of the worst cuts I have ever had. It was sitting at the bottom of my nape and jutting out like Darf Vaders helmet. It lasted a couple if days, until I couldn’t stand it any longer and I went for a second cut somewhere else, which was equally rubbish. By the end of the week anything would be better than the helmet . I was told I could go back to the first HR for a re cut, so long as it was within 7 days. So I did and requested a cut the same as the picture. I walked out with an amazing LL cut. I loved it UNTIL I realized that I had to blow dry the mo fo everyday for it to look any good. I am not high maintenance. I’m a scruff at the best of times. Blow drying my hair made it break and I even burnt my neck with a metal brush that got to too hot. Not only that but the cut dictated what I wore. Girlie stuff was off the menu. Maxis and vests didn’t look right. I needed structure, shoulder pads and shirts, think Mary Portas . Great for her but I am simply a mum with a part time job. Rocking up to the school gates, with a power suit and hair cut to an angle that Leigh or Mary would covet, just wasn’t gonna happen. I looked more like an off duty BBC morning news reader and not in a good way. The hair cut aged me and I wasn’t ready to leap to 40 . Of course, this just wasn’t sustainable and hell I want to look feminine not Like `I want to crush a pair balls with my bare hands.’ So I have been going through the whole , growing a bob out stage. Man , it takes a long time. I have had to get inbetween haircuts which doesn’t help, as it feel like it is 2 inches grown and 3 inches off. Finally I am here , with hair that is long enough to feel pretty and girlie. So YAY I can get married if I want or someone asks me, I can wear a cute dress and I can throw away the enormous metal blow drying brush etc etc.

I am soo glad I experimented and that I did it at 35 not for 40. A bob at 40 would make me feel 50 and tip me over the edge and into a deep depression. I am proud that I had the nerve to chop a substantial amount of my hair off. Yep Glad and Very Glad that the experiment is over. 16 from the back and 60 from the front BRING IT ON.

The pros and cons of face book

Just joined FB and I am hooked . Just into day 10 of my confirmed addiction. I find myself asking why, why am I hooked and I the only one ? most definitely not. What makes FB so addictive?

I am not a FB virgin. OH no tis my second go. First time was rubbish and had some nasty side effects , sounds like something else doesn’t it! Honestly though I didn’t like it because I didn’t know what I was doing so I found myself poking people left right and centre. Not a problem if that’s the intention. Second dislike was the strange feelings that emanated from seeing other peoples, somewhat edited lives played out in the photos on their respective walls (only show the good, cool and good looking bits). Why wasn’t I as busy or on such a lovely holiday, I would ask myself. I bailed out after 7 days. My nerves and ego couldn’t take any more. After that I scoffed at all things FB. Tis unnatural I would say, it is evil , ban it, I thoroughly agreed with the Daily Mail on this point (that’s scary, must be getting old). Checking people out and being nosey just wasn’t my style. If I want to communicate with you, then I’ll call or email you, that was my tough no nonsense line.

The years rolled by and I would get the odd friend invite via my hotmail account... That’s how it was Until this Xmas , when I received my own little mac book. Easy access to www meant I felt it easier to sort through work, mummy stuff and even get back to my blog. Then FB sprang back into my mind. I decided to give it a second go. Like a scorned lover I took tentative steps towards opening an account. Second time round I knew what to expect the pros and cons , I set my privacy at the highest level and made sure I only poked those worth poking. I also reminded myself that facebook is about the good times. Down days and poopoo photos are personal and you share that Sxxx with friends over a cup of coffee or glass of wine , not on the www. Now I am hooked. I check it a couple of times a day... Ok maybe times that by 2 or do I mean add a zero, and your getting close to real figure. The kids are getting their own T and the washing hasn’t been done in days. FB is like having kids, what did I do with my time before . The good thing is I am finding that it’s fun and I get to communicate (communicate being the operative word, in that I am not stalking) with friends, some of whom are on the other side of the world or North London , which may as well be. I love seeing pictures of friends and commenting, it’s engaging. So FB is fun fun fun and funny if you use it in a positive way. It can be a fantastic advertising tool too, sharing political views-recipes-good restaurant. Oh and don’t get me started on CHAT, that’s like amazing. Yesterday, I chatted to a friend in Bali . Technology never ceases to astonish me.

What are the (my) rules of engagement for FB ? I have some.. Only good pictures please, I don’t want to see a school hottie that has turned into a 70s Elvis and giving Henry 8th a run for their money. Hey but make sure there not too good , dare I say unrealistic .Remember ...This isn’t a dating site / competition Or is it. Keep you personal info to a minimum, you don’t want some psychopath knocking on your door. It does and has happened you know. Accept friends , not any old Harry. Who cares if you’ve got 8000 mates on FB . Question is have you met them. Some queries are still in the consultation process, as I feel ambivalent about them. Like do you accept friendships from people you went to school with and barely remember, if at all, scary when not even a picture triggers the memory. Is it Ok to contact/poke an old crush?What about de friending. Can you remove someone from your list without offending.
I believe I’ve got to be tough , if I am to use Fb in a way that is conducive to a happy and sound mind.

P>S>
Has anyone checked out the status options and laughed at “it’s complicated.” Isn’t every relationship.

My final thought ..Vive la Face Book. If I haven’t got this obsession under control by next week, I’m checking into rehab.

I’m off to change my profile picture.

PPS I just attempted to remove a couple of FB friends that I have had no communication with and couldn't do it for fear of reprisal and offending someone. Will try again but this time with a stiff drink in my hand.

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Is it coz I is Asian?

If you know me personally you’ll know I am half Irish and half mauritian. My mauritian dad , is of Chinese decent. Hence my oriental look.

This is of relevance to my anecdote because today at work I was told “ hey, you know,you act well Asian.” Interesting statement , I thought, no one has ever said that to me before, prey -tell me more, so I said “why, what do I do?”
“ Oh ...Asian stuff , like cut people off mid sentence, speaking formerly whilst having a jovial conversation.” By this point I was cracking up, this boy had a index or Oriental behaviour right at the tip of his tongue. I was laughing so hard because I recognized the first trait . In my defense I said “ Yeh I do that, because some people need to be put out of there misery.I’m doing them a favour, god damn it everyone knows that at times, interjection is completely necessary." However I couldn’t relate to the latter observation but the first was enough to keep me amused until the accuser explained that there were other Asian behaviours, such as pointing with ones lips...OK difficult to understand but picture this, point your face in any given direction and purse your lips for a milli second, eureka you got PWYL. The second is acknowledging people by simply raising your eyebrows.Curiously my dad and my aunt do this. Ok so this lad may have something.

I have always seen and said that I take after my dad. I can be blunt, terse, cut people off and generally surly. I thought this was a Lai-Cheong thang but maybe I got it wrong , maybe it be a Oriental thang. So now I can say , I can’t help it, it’s in my genes, blame my ancestors.

If you are caucasian, what are you thinking , do you relate to my colleague’s comments. Are you like hell yeh, those Chinese folk are always pointing with their lips, selling dodgy dvds and eating noodles.

The conversation was funny and made stranger when another colleague added a Chinese stereotype would be that they are inscrutable. What the hell does that mean , had to look it up.For those of you how are as ignorant as me, it means impossible to understand, apt! The thesaurus synonyms read like this.. enigmatic, unreadable, opaque, abstruse.

Ok I said, so I have a dead look in my eyes, emotionless face, I point with my lips and I cut people off mid sentence.I thought I only did the latter when inebriated.Or at least that's when I notice it.

The idea still makes me laugh now. My colleague’s observations were funny and not taking maliciously because his girlfriend is half Filipino, so he can’t be racist. You can't beat Asian babes. Hey isn't there a magazine with that title?

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Spooning

Another MP is busted for having an extra marital affair with a man, or was he? Apparently the rumour stems from the fact that he and his 25 aid , who happens to be tall dark and handsome, shared a twin bedroom , whilst campaigning. The duo would not have shared a room if they had have known such rumours would emanate from such an arrangement. Let’s assume they shared the room innocently.Is it normal for boys to share, real question as I have not come across such a scenario.Will ask my man what he does on a stag do. Although he very different from a politician. Think manual workers falling asleep face down on the bathrooom floor.
What really happens when men get to hang out..behind closed doors , do they like to have pow wow, do each others hair ,paint toe nails and complain that their wives don’t appreciate them? Although I find the idea amusing I doubt very much that be the case. That is one angle eliminated, so on to the next, saving money. Well I am sure what with MPs expenses , a hotel room each is a genuine expenditure which would withstand the close inspection of the Daily Telegraph. Ok so they’re not pow wowing or needing to save money... That leaves spooning. Even if they are not spooning I don not understand why a politician who can be so guarded during heated and high pressured debating can drop their guard and better judgement when it comes to actions. If you were going to have a cuddle why not cover up properly, take separate rooms and sneak out later, actually forget that , why not come out, stop living a lie and tell the truth.That is the way to earn respect.

Does any male of the human species flush the toilet?

Honestly, if you know one, name him and while your at it, tell the natural history museum too because I am sure the latter will want to know of such a leap for mankind.
I live with 3 males. I appreciate my almost 3 year old is new to the toilet game , thus flushing in the last thing I expect. To make it to the toilet is enough effort to satisfy me. My almost 7 year forgets to flush for numbers 2s but sems to habitually leave wee in the toilet. Gav the elest male in the house flushes for number 2s but like Teia, my 6 year old, he does not flush after a wee wee.

Clearing up after the toddler is a disinfectant job.I Usually have to do the floor and seat.If I am the last person to visit the loo in the morning , I will have to deal with the remnans of several visits from the boys and between all 3 of them none of them will have flushed. The smell and site would tick anyone off ,especially if that person happens to be the poor soul that has to deep clean the area.Cheers boys. The thing, tis only gonna get worst as they get older.

I want my own loo, pretty please.

Lettuce

Oh boy , this sedentary summer has lead to some serious excess weight on my ass and trunk. I got some serious belly rolls going on. Reacting to this weight gain, I have been looking at gym membership and intend to join in October. In the mean time I have been laying of the bread , as to avoid the carb face .My face is large at moment and I used to have a neck but that's on its way out too. Other changes to marathon eating means laying off the kids left overs. Gone are the days of cooking a dozen fishfingers for the kids lunch and then eating 10 plus my own grown feast. Tis no wonder I am a fat mo fo.

Replaced bread and cheese with a whole lot of salad. Bowls and bowls of the stuff. On Sunday I got through about half a dozen just before dinner . Dinner was, you guessed it , an even bigger bowl of salad. Whilst enjoying dinnner,my eldest son looked at me and said "Mummy you eat so much salad," I thought about an extended code response, " why yes Teia,I eat salad because it is good for you, did you know that lettuce leaves are a excellent source of vitamin B . Vitamin B is great because it helps us stay happy."Almost immediately he turned away with an obviuos knowing smile. I knew some smart alec response was due to follow. He seemed to hesitate before he spoke and then there was a clear sod it attitude when he said " Oh that is strange mummy because you are always so grumpy."

Missing my hospital appointment

You know the feeling.. Loosing your keys, getting a parking ticket , missing a train, plane or Dr appointment.Today I achieved the latter. I missed an appointment with my consultant. It was a very important one as it would mean a review of my recovery from my foot op and more importantly removal of my 4 week old moudly bandage. You read correctly, 4 weeks.Yes 4 weeks of wearing the same stinking bandage. A soft bandage which has some crazy, plastic disc that seems to be slicing my foot in two.Honestly its evil.

I thought the appointment was tomorrow. So convinced I was right, that after I noticed the possible mistake, I rolled up my sleeves before I checked the family calendar, I was sure the NHS systems were at fault and when this was confirmed I was gonna call them and give them a piece of my mind. The family calendar only proved how utterly stupid I am. I even wrote the right day on the calendar. What is it with me , I joke that I have early onset of alzheimers and humorously, I blame the aluminum pots my parents used to prepare food. Oh I am hilarious but perhaps it is true. Maybe I do have brain rot with a bit of dementia thrown in. I know that I would benefit significantly from home help and meals on wheels.

I am now faced with that horrible and strangely familiar feeling of loss. Perfect time for the kids to call out “ Mummy, can you,” to which I will roar like a T rex and turn into a zombie mummy “ what , what do you want, I never get a chance to think straight, damn you, I blame you for missing my most important hospital appointment.” Poor dears it is not their fault and luckily they were not around to be blamed, as of course I would have put the blame squarely on their little shoudlers. No they are not here so I must go through the five stages of grief as described by Kubler-Ross . Pretty much dealt with denial, anger and bargaining Right now I am stuck in the depression phase. Mostly because my foot is throbbing like a mo fo. As if it has been hit with a sledge hammer.At least once I am over depression there is the sweet taste of acceptance.